#bc if that's the case these panels make literally no sense š it would be in his best interest to not act withdrawn here
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eating this moment for breakfast lunch and dinner btw
#bsd reread#small(?) rant incoming that i'm hiding in the tags out of fear#this page is why i can never understand the 'd.azai doesn't actually care about saving s.igma he's just lying to use him' interpretation#bc if that's the case these panels make literally no sense š it would be in his best interest to not act withdrawn here#+ on that topic idk why it's impossible for him to want to save s.igma and make use of his ability simultaneously#especially since this is the same guy who saved a.tsushi in order to form the new s.kk. and nobody sees that as malicious at all#i think ppl just hate s.igma and twist themselves into pretzels trying to villainize the way d.azai treats him#even if it's the same way that they previously excused or justified him treating other characters. sigh#anyway it's a shame that discourse swamped this arc i rlly love it. it tells so much abt d.azai in a way not well seen outside the novels#i always read this part as one of his 'i can't accept that i'm a person capable of doing good' moments#he's just a little creature.... shutting down when confronted with his own kindness......
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(this is so long iām sorry lmao)
i hate this one friend of a friend and none of the friends in our circle like him either
so thereās this one girl iām friends with and we have our own circle of friends, but sheās also friends with this one guy we all went to high school with (actually we all went to high school together), so we hang out with each other sometimes due to that connection. but let me tell you this guy sucks. he sucked in high school and he still sucks now. weāve tried to gently tell her multiple times that he sucks but she still defends him š. heās one of those egotistical, pretentious film major bros and he once told me that he thinks people who take meds for mental disorders are lazy. anyway, thatās the context, so here are some stories:
so in this story, thereās the guy (Star), our mutual friend (Astor), two other friends in Astor and Iās circle (Mango and Pansy), and me (all of these are fake names btw). Astor, Mango, and Pansy are all professional cosplayers and Star wanted to take pictures of them at this con we all went to to put in his portfolio. on the first day, Astor, Mango, and Pansy were supposed to run a panel, but Astor was running late, so that made Star late as well. we were all stressed about this (i was helping them as well), so when Star got there he was in a bad mood. you do not want to be around Star when heās in a bad mood. one time when we were playing monopoly, he was losing, so he stomped on the ground and yelled about how the game isnāt fair (yes, like a toddler). after they got there and it was just Mango, Pansy, and i together, they would bring up how Star was lowkey scaring them with how aggressive he was acting. after the panel, Star wanted to take pictures and i was holding his tripod. this tripod was in a flimsy cardboard box with no case and i was in charge of holding it. apparently i was holding it upside down (it was hard to tell which way was up bc this cardboard box was really fucked up), so it slipped out and hit the floor. i felt bad for dropping it, but it was right side up and only fell to the floor like 2 feet, so i wasnāt too worried about it. most of it was still in the box actually. but the room went silent for a moment and Mango and Pansy looked at me with horror. i could tell they were scared that Star was going to blow up at me. he did yell at me a little bit but i knew he was overreacting so i wasnāt too fazed by it. after that, Mango and Pansy came up to me and were like āi thought he was literally going to kill you for that.ā i think they were only half-joking
this next (and last) story happened sort of recently and reminded me why i dislike him so much. as i said, Star is a film major and he wants to be a director, but he is NOT a good director. i know this bc iāve worked with him on projects before, but he thinks heās big shit. awhile back, Astor asked me if i wanted to do a 48 hour film challenge with her and Star and i said sure. our film was a shit show. Star was supposed to be running it, but kinda gave up halfway through and even said he wanted Astor and i to direct some scenes. Astor and i are NOT directors. he literally just sat on a bench like 30 feet away from where we were filming for the last bit of the shoot. also, he was 30 minutes late TO HIS OWN CALL TIME. he blamed the complete failure of our film on another guy he was friends with that he invited on to do camera work and some editing. and while i agree that he kinda took too much on at once and oversold his abilities, it was just as much Starās fault bc of his lackluster skill and terrible planning (i also think Star made him do most of the work). but he convinced Astor that it was all that guyās fault and now they blame him. Astor even said that she never wants to work with that guy again. i am also never working with Star again, so i guess weāre in the same boat
sorry if this didnāt make complete sense, iām not the best at telling stories lmao. and donāt worry, i donāt see him too often and i tolerate him well enough, so this isnāt a big issue between us or anything
iāll leave off with this: for the film challenge, we were finally done filming and the sun had gone down. we still had to do voiceover work and pictures for the poster, but Star said he really wanted to go out to eat (he wanted us to be done filming that day so they had the next day to edit).
i said āwe should just get something delivered, we donāt have a lot of time left todayā
he said ābut i want ~rEaL~ food.ā
i said āStar, we can either get real food, or have a good filmā
we eventually went out to eat that night, so i guess i was right
(there is someone on tumblr who might see this and know who i am based on these stories, so if theyāre seeing this, um. hi lmao)
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